Why is it that it is suddenly back into fashion that we have to endure those bloody awful 1960's records?. It was bad enough the first time around but that is no reason to inflict it upon the children of today!.

I overheard this morning some of those songs. THEY WERE SO DEPRESSING. But then listening just a little bit closer to the words, not only did they seem pretty dull and on the whole boring but totally inane!.

"And suddenly he fell off his bike"
"He said with his dying breath"
"Tell Laura I love her"
"Tell Laura I care"
"Tell Laura not to cry"
"Because for her my love will never die"

One word - RUBBISH!

This guy has just been in some horrific road accident and from the sounds of it, has various parts of him ripped off in a very violent manner. But what is his last words?. "Get me to a bleedin hospital" or "Just one thing, were's me legs?" or even "Yeowch! Yeurgh!". No. This bloke has enough breath left in his dying lungs to just sing - sing mind you, not scream, shout, yell or gurgle, sing - five lines.

Oh isn't that nice, isn't that sweet, ISN'T THAT CRAP!. His final words are for his girlfriend. Now I could believe it if he just said "Tell Laura I love her" as this would be feasable. Think about it, you've just been ploughed into by some vehicle or other which must have been travelling at a fair whack and have lost several pints of blood, you're not exactly going have alot of breath in his body now is he?!

But no, he has enough breath to sing a lovely little lament to his girl. Alright if he had oxygen being pumped directly into his lungs and plasma being bunged into his bloodstream at a great rate of knots, but this sort of equipment is not exactly portable but this bloke MUST have kept one in his backpouch for JUST that sort of emergency.

And that one, "OLD SHEP". This is a lesson for making a very small story, which in itself is abonirable, to be stretched over three and a half minutes. The story is, just incase you have been spared the pleasure of never hearing it, this:

Kid gets mutt, so far - so good
Man loves mutt, what else would you expect?
Man and Mutt gets old, pretty damn obvious this bit
Mutt snuffs it, it was bound to wasn't it. It is a well known Biological fact that dogs do not live longer then men. So really, this part was bloody apparent to happen.
Man cries a bit, well what would you expect?.

An everyday story!. But one for some reason not apparent to me or to the rest of the human race, has been turned into a weak and miserable song. THE WRITER SHOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT AT BIRTH. Either that or gone to live on the Christmas Islands in '64 (just before we nuked them!).

The flower power people had a big influence on the music of the late sixties with really, (yawn) interesting (humf) and (yawn)iting (hush)its like "If you're going to San Fransisco, wear a flower in your hair". Why?. Is there any particular significance to it?. Or was it just one of those things were if you were particullary (a) very thick or (b) just plain gullible, you would do?.

More than likely it was so that the wierdos in S.F. would have something to laugh at while you sneezed yourself silly because of the hayfever!

But it wasn't just the Americans who had the monopoly on being total headbangers!. No, we British had something to answer to. But not the who of Britain you realise. Just a small section called Liverpool. And in particular the Cavern Walks. Now many of you, at the sound of that will instantly start to have pleasant remininces about how nice it was. Yes, it must have been really nice being stuck down some disused sewer listening to whoever was drunk enough to get up and sing. As for the idea of being able to dance in the Cavern. HA! The place was so tiny that if someone blew off the whole place had to be evacuated because of the lack of air conditioning.

This was also the birthplace of the great (spelt grATE) Beatles and the ever green and huey coloured Peter, Paul and Mary. What a strange little threesome that was!. mind you, after listening to two of their singles, it was no wonder. It must have been so boring in bed with Peter that Paul was needed for Mary to become vaguely interested enough to wake up!.

Talking about the Beatles, which idiot was it who started off that dozy thing about "if you listened to the Sgt Pepper LP backwards, there is a message from the Devil"?. No when I heard this, I went out and bought it as I've always been interested in the occult, So there I was, playing this record backwards waiting for this great message. I must have played it six or seven times before being told that it wouldn't work on CD!!!. Well, how was I supposed to know?!.

But something even odder is the fact that some of these records are being remixed (a technical term for getting ripped off) and then re-released. The last one was that bloody awful FERRY CROSS THE MERSEY. The thing is that what most people don't realise is that Gerry Marsden couldn't sing to save his life!. So why dig him up for one lousey single?. God only knows, all I wish is that we leave the sixties music where it belongs; down the U bend!.